Posted by The Tribune Democrat, PA on August 04, 2008 at 12:10:53:
MICHELE MIKESIC BENDER | Cooking up a prize-winning, edible entry
By MICHELE MIKESIC BENDER
It’s no secret that I’m a lousy cook. A handful of folks have eaten my food and actually gone on to live normal, healthy lives. But only a handful. Others remain permanently scarred.
I’ve written before about some of the toxic dishes that have seeped from my kitchen.
You might recall the “sausage-flavored chocolate chip cookies.” (Always clean your broiler before baking!) Folks remember the “zucchini glop,” too. (A recipe called “Zucchini Bread” probably needs flour!)
Recent culinary blunders include the “S&M Turkey.” I thought the outer packaging just left an imprint on the meat. I didn’t realize I roasted the binding until afterward. My friends dubbed that creation “Michele’s Bondage Bird.”
The “anti-bacterial meatballs” taught me to store leftovers before “Lysoling” the countertop.
My epicurean ignorance knows no bounds. I once believed that when cauliflower “grew up,” it became broccoli.
So, I decided to heed my sister-in-law’s advice. For years, Judy urged me, “Watch the Food Network. You can really learn things there.”
I started with Rachael Ray, studying her moves as she prepared vegetables. She taught me to sauté mushrooms and caramelize onions like a pro.
Feeling positively empowered, I moved on to famous grill chef, Bobby Flay. I watched him barbeque steaks, chops and fish. I took notes.
I own a little tabletop electric grill because fire terrifies me. I began slowly, with hot dogs. I soon advanced to chicken tenders and even shrimp.
I had an awful track record with asparagus. Spears whimpered as I approached them in the market, sensing impending doom.
But something amazing happened one evening as I grilled some just like Bobby Flay instructed me: I cooked edible asparagus!
Inevitably, this success went to my head. I entered a recipe contest.
You’re sitting down, right? I won a prize!
Yes, my “Tuna Burgers” (made with ground-up canned French’s french fried onions instead of breadcrumbs – I am a strict Atkins low-carb diet gal) placed second in the competition.
My triumph totally blew my mind. My family and friends recovered from the shock, but haven’t stopped laughing yet.
“You won a recipe contest?” shrieked my cousin, Tanya.
“I had to teach you how to make Jello!” exclaimed Denise.
“That is too funny!” howled Judy.
Sharon found encouragement: “Gee, I guess I still have a chance to win an Oscar. This means ANYTHING is possible!”
Yes, I’ve risen from the ashes (often literally) of my cuisine, now a “chef-ette” with a prize-winning recipe!
Look out, Paula Deen and friends! The next Food Network star is coming at ya.
Hey, Johnstown, we still have to select our favorite rock song!
Vote at tribdem@tribdem.com, e-mail me at MsGeezerette@aol.com., or write me at The Tribune-Democrat, 425 Locust St., Johnstown, Pa. 15901.
Michele Mikesic Bender is a Johnstown resident and a member of The Tribune-Democrat’s Reader Advisory Committee.
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